(or find someone who will).

“I can’t do this anymore.”

I can still see that sentence hanging in the air of that cozy office, a space I had come to recognize as one of the safest places I had ever known. The words hung like a stained glass ornament on the window, coloring the warm sunshine in shades of blue.

“I can’t do this anymore,” my therapist said again. “I can’t sit through one more session where you repeat, in dramatic detail, the latest interaction with someone you know isn’t good for you. It’s boring. I’m bored. Aren’t you bored?”

Ouch.

To say I was outraged and insulted may be an understatement. How dare she tell me I'm boring! Are therapists even allowed to say that? I was on the verge of being offended, a stance that would have limited my ability to hear what she was really trying to tell me.

“Something needs to change, Candace,” she went on. “And I think we both know that something—that someone—is you.”

I took the required moment to sit with the lightning bolt of her feedback. When I allowed myself to think about it, I realized a critical Something.

I’d become stuck in a narrative that was holding me back. And, scared as I was of the unknown beyond the toxic relationship I found myself in, I knew deep down that my therapist was right. The story I continued to tell her—and the story I continued to tell myself—was that I was incapable of the change I needed.

And we both knew that while that story was comfortable and predictable (even if it was toxic and painful), it also wasn’t true.

Here’s the thing about stories, though. Something has to move them forward. This usually comes in the form of a drastic change or influence—a chance meeting, an invitation, an accident.

And sometimes the plot twist we’ve been waiting for is something far more powerful: US.

Our choices. Our intentional actions. Our readiness and willingness and drive to evolve to do, be, and become someone better.

Without action, our stories and behavior patterns can become repetitive, our narratives remain unchallenged, and our dreams stay in the ether. Our days become reruns. Our lives become tired and boring. We fade and our best parts wither.

I was right there, fading in the chair in my therapist’s office. And she wasn’t about to let me wither.

What came next changed my life.

If you don’t have someone in your life who’s willing to call you on your BS or remind you WHY you belong in a happier future, there are a few ways you can do it for yourself.

You are only in absolute control of three things:

Your thoughts. You can control what you think about, though it takes practice. Are you aware of the thoughts you indulge?
Your goals. You choose what your goals are and how to implement them in your life. Are you dreaming big enough?
Your actions. You choose when and how you take action. Can you relentlessly take action until you get what you want?

If the answer to any of these questions is no, then you have pinpointed a place where you likely need some support to move forward. While you are the only person who can change your life, we sometimes need that extra jolt to spark a new script.

Looking back, I’m grateful for my therapist's tough love and willingness to push me out of my toxic-but-comfortable zone and into my new narrative. Her honesty ultimately helped me to grow and become a better version of myself. Her insight forced me to confront unhealthy patterns and recognize the need for change. With her guidance, I shifted my focus and began exploring other aspects of my life.

I love where my story is taking me now.

Can you say the same?

Candace Ristic offers high-impact plot twists in the stories of high-performing women around the world. Find out how she taps into brain science and breathwork to deliver unstoppable performance, elevated creativity, and insight-driven personal growth for her clients here.